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When news broke that a prominent couple had been killed and their son, Nick Reiner, was a possible suspect, it thrust substance use disorder back into the public spotlight. However, families affected by a child’s substance use are concerned the dialogue will focus on an exceedingly rare act of homicide rather than the far more common risks of the condition.

A Personal Connection

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been watching the developments. They were merely familiar with the Reiners by their work, yet they feel a connection: their own son also developed a dependency at 15 to opioids and later illicit drugs, much like Nick Reiner, and spent years cycling through rehab and the legal system. After a long and painful struggle, their son got sober in July 2010.

“It’s just devastating,” states Grover. “It rips your heart out, because that’s a family torn apart, just like so many other families we know whose loved ones succumbed to the disease of addiction.”

The Scope of the Crisis

More than two-thirds of Americans report their lives have been impacted by addiction—whether through personal struggle, a relative’s dependency, housing instability from addiction, or an overdose leading to hospitalization or loss, according to recent data.

Approximately one in six Americans, or tens of millions of people, were living with a substance use disorder in 2024.

“This can happen to anyone, no matter how rich you are, no matter how poor you are, no matter how powerful you are,” stated Grover.

The Weight of Judgment

The Reiner story struck a chord with Greg, who leads a parent organization. “We talk a lot about how it’s a family disease,” Greg said. “It has a tremendous impact on others’ lives.”

However, he is worried that the tragic events will make people “deeply suspicious of anybody who’s admitted to having an addiction, and think that they could become dangerous at any point in time. And that’s simply inaccurate,” Greg added.

These “are really crucial discussions to have, since addiction is so widespread in the United States and the rates have consistently risen,” stated an associate professor who studies addiction and the legal system. She pointed to the significant social prejudice surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “perception of someone being really dangerous and the potential for harming others.”

She also cautioned against making assumptions about the reported involvement of the son or his condition at the time, noting it is not known whether drugs or mental health issues were involved recently.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their stigmatization of addiction and this condition, and create a narrative to try to explain what happened,” she said. “Because of his past, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his struggle.”

The Reality of Risk

While addiction can lead to erratic actions, and some substances may increase aggression, a violent crime like a double homicide is highly unusual.

“The vast majority of people with addiction or this illness do not ever show anything remotely close to violent behavior. It’s a real rarity,” the expert explained. “The actual reality is a person is far more probable to hurt themselves than anyone else.”

The Constant Anxiety

Both Greg and Grover have lived with fear—not directed at their sons, but about them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to die at some point,” Greg said. “If he returns to using, it’s eventually going to claim his life. That’s my biggest fear. And my other fear is just being estranged from him.” He described the painful decisions parents face, such as setting boundaries and sometimes making the “horribly painful” choice that an adult child cannot live at home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you laid your head down, that you could get a phone call or that visit from authorities telling you that he was never coming home,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, 365 days a year, for a parent.”

He recounted the terrifying calls: from the hospital saying a son was not breathing; from prison, where a parent might justify behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he shoplifted to support his habit; at least he wasn’t breaking into the neighbors’ houses.’”

Isolation and Judgment

Parents often battle isolation—questioning whether the addiction stemmed from some parental failure; bearing guilt for a child’s actions; and worrying about judgment from others directed at both parent and child.

It is very difficult to understand a family’s ordeal without experiencing it personally, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can change on the spot. You could be perfectly happy one day and miserable the next... It’s not unusual for that to happen.”

The Path Forward

Data indicates about three in four people with addiction are able to become sober.

“Just as you can recover from any other type of illness, you can get over this condition, too. You can recover and be productive,” said Grover. “If you try and you stumble, you get up and try again.”

Today, his son is a married with children, holds a university education, and works as a skilled tradesperson. Grover reflected on his struggle to “fix” his son, realizing it could not be forced.

“I can push him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t reach for my hand for help, it’s not going to work,” he said.

Yet, they always reiterated they loved him and believed in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s supporting someone struggling with drugs: make sure your hand is always, always extended, because you never know when they’ll take it and take it.”